WINNER! Mom’s Choice Gold Award for parenting books — Mom’s Choice Awards: The best in family-friendly media
‘My kid is smart, but…’
It takes more than school smarts to create a fulfilling life. In fact, many bright children face special challenges:
- Some are driven by perfectionism;
- Some are afraid of effort, because they’re used to instant success;
- Some routinely butt heads with authority figures;
- Some struggle to get along with their peers;
- Some are outwardly successful but just don’t feel good about themselves.
This practical and compassionate book explains the reasons behind these struggles and offers parents do-able strategies to help children cope with feelings, embrace learning, and build satisfying relationships. Drawing from research as well as the authors’ clinical experience, it focuses on the essential skills children need to make the most of their abilities and become capable, confident, and caring people.
Table of Content
Note to the Reader ix
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction: Rethinking Potential 1
1 Tempering Perfectionism: What Is “Good Enough”? 10
Michael: Focusing on flaws 13
Kirsten: Deflecting blame 20
Sam: Avoiding activities at which he doesn’t excel 30
Angela: Feeling inadequate 33
2 Building Connection: How Does Your Child Reach Out to Others? 43
Andrew: Seeking an audience rather than a friend 48
Clay: Avoiding joining the group 55
Amalia: Feeling rejected by peers 63
3 Managing Sensitivity: How Does Your Child Handle Criticism, Conflict, and Disappointment? 80
Mario: Perceiving betrayal 83
Jessica: Balking at constructive feedback 90
Samir: Chafing at a change of plans 97
Collin: Shouldering the world’s woes 109
4 Handling Cooperation and Competition: How Does Your Child Fit in a Group? 118
Steven: Insisting on his way 121
Anita: Being a sore loser 130
Misha: Fearing competition 138
Craig: Dealing with competition in the family 146
5 Dealing with Authority: How Does Your Child Respond to Those in Charge? 161
Lisa: Being blind to authority 164
Nicholas: Making everything an argument 177
Stephanie: Fretting about adults’ anger 192
6 Developing Motivation: What Matters to Your Child? 200
Ethan: Avoiding schoolwork 203
Jared: Complaining that schoolwork is boring 208
Diane: Not applying herself in school 221
7 Finding Joy: What Makes Your Child Feel Happy? 238
Monica: Finding fault instead of fun 242
Conner: Searching for personal meaning 251
Conclusion: The Pressure to Perform Versus the Power to Grow 272
Selected References and Recommended Reading 277
About the Authors 291
Index 293
About the author
The Authors
Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph D, is a child and family clinical psychologist in Princeton, New Jersey. She is the author or coauthor of several books on children’s feelings and friendships.
Mark S. Lowenthal, Psy D, has helped many children, teens, and their families during his twenty-two years as a clinical psychologist. His private practice is in Maplewood, New Jersey.
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