Is your child experiencing emotional distress because they are being bullied?
Rise Above Bullying: Empower and Advocate for Your Child provides research-based and legally grounded guidance that will enable parents to gain greater insight into how to support their bullied child. This resource helps prepare parents on how to empower their child and advocate on how schools should take the necessary actions to get this harmful environment to stop. Professionals who are supporting young people through counseling or advocacy, as well as educators, will also benefit from the insight in this book.
In Rise Above Bullying, Nancy E. Willard, M.S., J.D., a respected voice in the field of bullying and youth trauma, provides valuable insight on:
- Why bullying occurs, who is involved, the immediate and long-lasting harms it can cause, and why current anti-bullying approaches implemented by schools are not achieving effective results
- Strategies to empower young people with greater resilience and effective relationship skills
- How to document what is happening, report these concerns to the appropriate authorities, and insist on an effective intervention
Daftar Isi
Introduction 1
1 Those Who Are Bullied and the Harms 11
What Is “Bullying?” 11
Students Who Are Bullied 14
Bullied and Hurtful Students 14
Bullied Students 16
Identity-based Bullying 17
Societal Values of the Local Community 19
Identities 19
Implicit Bias and Microaggressions 22
Complicated History of Focus on Microaggressions 24
Ineffective Efforts to Change Implicit Bias 26
Implicit Bias in Schools 27
Respectful Dialogue 29
My Thoughts 30
The Harms of Bullying 31
Trauma 32
Academic Performance and Absences 34
Suicide and Self Harm 35
School Violence 36
2 Those Who Bully 39
The Quest for Dominance and Social Status 39
Public Stereotype 40
Motivations for Bullying 44
Successful Outcomes of Proactive Aggression 46
Situation Dynamics 47
Rationalizations 48
Bidirectional Aggression or Impulsive Retaliation 49
Bullying by School Staff 50
3 Lack of Effectiveness of Anti-bullying Efforts 55
Lack of Effectiveness 55
Survey Data on Bullying 55
Bullying and Cyberbullying Data 57
Current Anti-bullying Approach 58
Effectiveness of Prevention Programs 58
Student Perspectives of Staff Effectiveness 58
Effectiveness of “Tell an Adult” 59
Statutes and Directives 61
State Statutes and District Policies 62
The Problems 63
Shift of Focus Away from the Harmed Student 64
Lack of Effectiveness of Punishments 64
Enumeration of Specific Characteristics 64
Substantial Disruption Standard 65
Reduce Exclusionary Discipline 65
Required Public Bullying Reports 66
Characteristics of Hurtful Students 68
Failure to Consider the Data 68
Institutional Betrayal 70
What Schools Should Be Doing 72
4 Youth Development, Trauma, and Post-traumatic Growth 73
Key Areas of the Brain 73
Prefrontal Cortex – Thinking Center 74
Anterior Cingulate Cortex – Emotional Regulation Center 74
Hippocampus – Memory Center 74
The Amygdala – Threat Response Center 75
Neurons and Neural Pathways 76
Feel Good Hormones – DOSE 76
The Brain Development Process 77
Stages of Brain Development 78
Sensorimotor Stage 79
Preoperational Stage 79
Concrete Operational Stage 79
Formal Operational Stage 80
Teen Development 81
Key Developments During the Teen Years 82
Identity Development 82
Moral Development 83
Peer Relationships 84
Greatest Risks During the Teen Years 84
Acting Without Thinking, Especially When Upset 84
Failing to Predict the Consequences of Their Actions on Others 85
Playing “Follow the Leader” 85
Judging Their Value Based on Attention from Others 86
Experiencing Trauma and Distress 87
Focus on the Negative and Possible Threats 88
Intergenerational Trauma 90
Asking for Help 91
Your Child’s Brain Can Change 92
Post-traumatic Growth 93
5 Positively Powerful 95
Insight into Resilience 95
Positively Powerful 97
The Magic 5 : 1 Ratio 98
The 40-day Experiment 99
Reflective Listening 100
Empowerment-building Strategies 101
Make Positive Connections 102
Be a Good Friend 102
Friendships Insight 102
Insight on Friendships to Share with Your Child 103
Connect with Trusted Adults 104
Trusted Adults Insight 104
Insight on Connecting with Trusted Adults to Share with Your Child 106
Reach Out to Be Kind 107
Be Kind to Others 107
Kindness Insight 107
Insight on Kindness to Share with Your Child 109
Act in Service 110
Acting in Service to Others Insight 110
Insight on Acting in Service to Share with Your Child 111
Build My Strengths 111
Be Proud 111
Being Proud Insight 111
Insight on Being Proud to Share with Your Child 112
Strengthen My Character 113
Character Strengths Insight 113
Insight on Character Strengths to Share with Your Child 115
Embrace Failure 116
Growth Mindset Insight 116
Insight on Growth Mindset to Share with Your Child 118
Focus on the Good 118
Find the Joys and Be Thankful 119
Insight into Happiness and Gratitude 119
Insight on Focusing on Happiness and Gratitude to Impart to Your Child 121
Personal Power Insight 122
Be Mindful 123
Practice Calmness 123
Mindfulness Insight 123
Insight on Mindfulness to Share with Your Child 124
Keep My Cool 126
Self-regulation Insight 126
Insight on Self-regulation to Share with Your Child 129
Keep My Personal Power 131
Hold Myself Tall 131
Powerful Presence Insight 131
Insight on Powerful Presence to Share with Your Child 132
Control My Thinking 133
Rational Thinking Insight 133
Insight on Controlling Their Thinking to Share with Your Child 134
Release and Let Go 135
Forgiveness Insight 135
Insight on Forgiveness to Share with Your Child 136
Think Things Through 137
Think Things Through 137
Problem-solving Insight 137
Insight on Problem Solving to Share with Your Child 139
Focus on My Future 140
Future Directed Thinking Insight 140
Insight on Goal Setting to Share with Your Child 142
6 Positively Powerful Strategies for Those Being Treated Badly 145
Understand Hurtful Behavior as a Power Game 145
What Young People Think 146
Positively Powerful Strategies 147
Make Positive Connections 147
Reach Out to Be Kind 148
Build My Strengths 149
Focus on the Good 149
Be Mindful 150
Keep My Personal Power 150
Think Things Through 150
Positively Powerful in Hurtful Situations 151
Engaging in Conflict Resolution 153
Responding to Hurtful Acts That Were Not Intended to Cause Harm 154
Assert-with-care Communications 155
Digital Communications to a Hurtful Student 156
Digital Communications to a Hurtful Staff Member 157
Start a Positivity Ripple 158
7 Positively Powerful Strategies for Those Being Hurtful 161
Stop, Own It, and Fix It 161
Basis of Hurtful Behavior 161
Feel Out of Control 161
Retaliation – Often Impulsive 162
Want to Be Considered “Popular” and “Cool” 162
Two Types of Leadership 162
Rationalizations 163
Be Positively Powerful Strategies 164
Make Positive Connections 164
Reach Out to Be Kind 165
Build My Strengths 165
Focus on the Good 165
Be Mindful 165
Keep My Personal Power 165
Think Things Through 166
Stop 166
Focus on Your Personal Values 166
Avoid Retaliation 167
Own It and Fix It 168
8 Positively Powerful Strategies for Close Relationships 171
Enhancing Important Relationships in a Positively Powerful Way 171
Foundations of Close Relationships 172
Healthy or Unhealthy Relationships 172
Communication: Essential to Healthy Relationships 172
Characteristics of Healthy Relationships 173
Evidence of an Unhealthy Relationship 173
Consent 173
Times of Difficulty 174
Relationship Break-ups 174
Be Positively Powerful Strategies 175
Disrupted Relationships 176
9 Positively Powerful on Social Media 179
Positive Empowerment When Using Social Media 179
Historical Background 179
The Good News 182
Active and Positive Parenting 183
Through the Years 183
General Guidelines 184
Cyber-safe Kids 185
Cyber-savvy Teens 186
Do Not Let Them Tell You That You Are Not Good Enough 187
Capturing Your Eyeballs and E-wallet 187
Influencer Marketing 188
Data Collection and Advertising Strategies 188
Pain or Anger Points 189
Understand Teen Pain Points 190
Adding These Two Practices Together 191
Help Your Child to Keep Their Personal Power 192
Think Before You Post 192
Remember, What You Do Reflects on You 192
Positively Powerful Strategies 194
Keep Your Life in Balance 194
Avoid Addictive Use of Social Media 194
Positively Powerful Strategies 195
Connect Safely 196
Interact Safely with Others Online Interact Safely with Friends, Friends of Friends, Acquaintances, and Strangers 196
Detecting and Avoiding Dangerous People Online 197
Meeting in Person 199
Protect Your Face and Friends 200
Use Social Media Safely and Responsibly 200
Read with Your Eyes Open 200
Assess the Credibility of Information and Trustworthiness of People 200
Embrace Digital Civility 202
Foster Positive Relationships in Digital Communities 202
Positively Powerful 202
Be a Helpful Ally 203
10 Be a Powerfully Positive Helpful Ally and Leader 205
Being a Helpful Ally and a Leader for Positive Change 205
Positively Powerful Strategies for Empowered Leadership 205
Make Positive Connections and Reach Out to Be Kind 206
Build My Strengths 206
Focus on the Good 207
Keep Your Cool and Keep Your Personal Power 207
Think Things Through 207
Being a Helpful Ally 207
Safety Concerns 208
Step in to Help 209
Ways Your Child Can Step in to Help 209
Step in to Help in Hurtful Situations 210
Help a Friend in Difficult Times 210
Help Others Resolve Conflict 211
Say “Stop” 211
Important Safety Guidelines 211
Ways to Say “Stop” 212
Help a Hurtful Friend Stop, Own It, and Fix It 212
Report Concerns 213
High-risk Warning Signs 213
When to Report Concerns 214
How to Report Concerns 214
Leadership for Kindness and Inclusion 215
11 Federal Civil Rights Laws and Free Speech 217
Civil Rights Laws 217
Important Documents 220
Schools Must Respond 221
What Are a School’s Obligations Regarding Harassment Based on Protected Classes? 221
Complying with Federal Civil Rights Regulations 222
What Should a School Do to Resolve a Harassment Complaint? 223
Comprehensive Intervention Settlement 225
But My Child Is Not in a Protected Class 226
Civil Rights Litigation 227
Bullying of Students with Disabilities 229
DCLs Addressing Bullying of Students with Disabilities 230
If Your Child Is on an IEP 231
If Your Child Is or Should Be on Section 504 232
Parent and Educator Resource Guide 236
Eligibility 236
Aids and Services 237
Evaluation/Investigation 237
Section 504 Team 239
Bullying and Harassment 239
Procedural Safeguards 240
Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act 242
Free Speech 242
12 Stop the Harm 247
Insist That Your Child’s School Stop the Harm 247
Empower – Advocate 247
Individually or as a Group 248
Addressing Concerns of Staff Hurtful Behavior 248
Documentation Guide 249
Documentation of What Has Been Happening 249
Protected Class 249
Treated Badly by Students at School 250
Staff Response When Treated Badly by Students at School 251
Treated Badly by Students Using Social Media 251
Treated Badly by School Staff 251
Response If Reported to School 252
Harmful Emotional Impact 252
Harmful Interference on Your Learning or Participation 253
Aspects of the School Environment That May Be Contributing 253
Hurtful Response by You 254
Letter from Pediatrician and Counselor 254
Bullying Reports or Surveys 256
Preparing the Complaint 256
Desired Outcome 258
Possible Inappropriate Response by School 259
Investigation 260
Comprehensive Intervention 262
Positive Action Plan 262
Protection Plan 265
Holding Hurtful Students and Supporters Accountable 266
Motivations and Actions 266
Accountability Process and Agreement 266
Correct the Hostile Environment 268
Monitoring and Compliance 269
Proceeding as a Group 269
Likelihood of Success 270
Continuous Improvement Planning Approach 271
Blessings and Forward 273
Index 275
Tentang Penulis
Nancy E. Willard, M.S., J.D., is the director of Embrace Civility, LLC. She specializes in translating research into practice and integrating insight from bullying prevention, trauma and resilience, and legal fields. Nancy is the author of several books on digital safety, including Cyberbullying and Cyber Threats, the first book ever published on the subject of cyberbullying. She also authored Cyber Safe Kids, Cyber Savvy Teens and Cyber Savvy: Embracing Digital Safety and Civility. Learn more about Nancy at https://embracecivility.org.
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