Positive, practical and realistic, this book offers a wealth of information on women, dating and relationships for men with Asperger Syndrome (AS).
Many AS men are totally confused and bewildered by women and relationships and find it hard to know what to do, what to say and how to get it right. For these men, understanding the emotional side to relationships and women’s needs can be a complete mystery and they often get it disastrously wrong. This practical handbook provides the answers to Asperger men’s most frequently asked questions about women, dating and relationships, helping them to understand the way relationships work and increasing their confidence and ability to have successful relationships.
This comprehensive handbook is essential reading for men with Asperger Syndrome (and their partners). It will also be of immeasurable use to counsellors and other professionals working with such individuals.
Inhoudsopgave
Foreword by Tony Attwood. Acknowledgements. Introduction. Dating and Courtship. 1. Where is the best place to meet a prospective partner? 2. How do I know if she is attracted to me? 3. How do I ask her out? 4. Where do I take her on the first date and what can I do to make a good first impression? 5. What should I talk about on the first date? 6. How do I know when or if to take it further? 7. When is it OK to expect sex? 8. What if she rejects me? How can I avoid this happening? The Relationship. 9. Why are women so complicated? 10. I feel that whatever I do it will be wrong, especially when she is upset. If I say nothing it is wrong, if I say something that will be wrong too. So is it all my fault? 11. I get to a point that I feel I want to run away, as I cannot discuss or argue anymore. Why won’t she just let me go? 12. She asks me what I feel or why I love her and before I can answer she has become reactive/angry/upset/critical. Why? 13. She tells me I have a communication problem, yet I have been complimented on my communication at work. Who is right here? 14. I feel like she purposefully pushes me until I react and then acts the victim and blames me for getting angry. Why does she do this? 15. Why is she always criticising me? 16. Why does she exaggerate so often? 17. If I keep quiet it is wrong and if I speak up it is wrong! Why? 18. My only purpose seems to be to work and earn the money. Is this all I am worth? Why doesn’t she appreciate all I do for her (and the family)? 19. Why does my partner expect me to come in from work and immediately start discussing the day with her? 20. My partner keeps nagging me to get rid of some of my possessions. She does not understand how much stress this causes me. What can I do? 21. My wife does not seem to know how to load a dishwasher and yet when I rearrange the contents she gets really mad at me. Why won’t she just do things the correct way? 22. Why does my partner constantly disrupt my plans and routines? 23. Why does my partner have to announce everything we do on Facebook? Surely I am entitled to some privacy in my life? 24. She constantly accuses me of not listening to her and forgetting what she has told me. Is she making this up to put me down or do I really have memory problems? 25. My partner complains I spend too much time on the internet and not enough time with her, and yet when I try to spend time with her she just wants to watch soaps! I think she is being unreasonable. Is she? 26. My partner discovered I had been looking at porn on the internet. She is now threatening me with divorce. Why is she taking it so out of proportion? 27. I feel I am living with Jekyll and Hyde. For two weeks out of every month my partner seems to have a personality change. She blames it on PMT. Is it really that bad? 28. Why does she get angry/upset if I don’t call or text her at least once a day? 29. Why are cards and gifts so important to her? 30. Why does she need me to keep telling her I love her? 31. How can I keep saying ‘I love you’ and other nice things without sounding false? 32. How can I tell the difference between when she just wants a hug and when she wants to have sex? 33. Why won’t she have sex with me? And then there were three…34. We have recently had our first child. I feel my whole life has been turned upside down. My wife has become totally unpredictable; one minute she is happy and the next she is crying her eyes out. What’s wrong with her? 35. Our baby seems to scream all the time and I cannot cope with the noise. I am not getting any sleep. My partner does not understand how hard it is for me and gets angry if I complain. Why? 36. I spend all day at work and when I get home my partner expects me to take on the childcare, yet she has been at home all day. This feels unreasonable. Is it? 37. My partner said she cannot trust me to look after the children. I would never hurt the children so why is she doing this? 38. I feel totally on the outside and alienated from the family. It feels like it is them and me, yet my partner gets angry and accuses me of not being involved enough with them. Who is right? 39. Why does she say I am too serious with the children/grandchildren? Conclusion. 40. Do you have a list of what I can do to try to make her happy in our relationship? 41. Are AS/non AS relationships ever successful? References.
Over de auteur
Maxine Aston is a qualified counsellor and supervisor and presents Asperger Syndrome awareness workshops to counsellors and professionals who may encounter clients affected by AS. She also runs workshops and support groups for partners and parents that live with a person with AS. Maxine has an MSc in Health Psychology and is the author of The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome (NAS) and Aspergers in Love (Jessica Kingsley Publishers). She is a regular speaker at National and International ASD conferences.
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