Stephen Clarke 
Dial M for Merde [EPUB ebook] 

In the South of France, Paul West has a licence to thrill…Paul West has received an offer he can’t refuse: two weeks in the sun with a beautiful blonde. M, as she likes to be known, is down south to report on caviar trafficking — or is she? Meanwhile, Paul’s friend Elodie is marrying an aristocrat, and Paul has been asked to do the catering. Although cooking for the French is always a risky assignment … As Paul is sexually harassed by a hen party, picked on by French commandos and arrested by excitable gendarmes, events start spiralling out of control. And when he discovers that M’s real target is France’s new President — and that he’s coming to Elodie’s wedding — Paul realises the merde really is about to hit the fan…