Eoin Colfer 
Screwed [EPUB ebook] 

Ex-army sergeant Daniel Mc Evoy is ready to say goodbye New Jersey’s lawless underworld and concentrate on his new life as club owner and bona fide boyfriend. But when he’s abducted and driven into the Hudson by a vengeful crime boss, he realises that the New Jersey underworld isn’t ready to say goodbye to him.If Dan is to survive, he will have to evade bad guys on both sides of the law and find the missing aunt who once taught him how to handle boobs. Eoin Colfer, author of the Artemis Fowl novels, turns his outstanding talent to a world as criminally funny as it is dark and compelling.