FAT CHICK PLANS TO ESCAPE CORPORATE WHOREDOM AND TRAVEL THE WORLD. SHE’S JUST BOUGHT A RECUMBENT TRIKE TO DO IT WITH. BUT WITH SO MUCH GOING AGAINST HER, WILL SHE EVEN MAKE IT OUT OF THE CITY?
Fat Chick is a 30-something accountant who dreams of cycling, hiking and paddling her way around the world, starting with her own country, Australia. But at a whopping 130kgs (285lbs), she’s not exactly the poster child for human-powered travel.
On top of that, nobody will let her leave the Real World. The armchair experts won’t stop filling her head with dire predictions of being chopped up by axe murderers, run over by road trains and eaten by crocodiles. Her new personal trainer is trying to kill her with diet and exercise. And her boss just hired a hit woman to destroy Fat Chick’s trike because the accounting system needs to be fixed.
Fat Chick is determined to steer her life in the direction of her dreams, not the dreams of others, because ‘life is short, and it’s later than you think’. But the Real World is determined to keep her in its grip. Can she break free of the spider’s web and live her dreams before it’s too late?
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CONTENTSPROLOGUE: IN THE BEGINNING,
THERE WAS A FAT CHICK …………………………………………. 9
Th e Rules for Fat Chicks ……………………………………………………… 9
PART ONE: FAT CHICKS DON’T CYCLE …………………… 11
1. Dear Santa: Gimme a Trike or I’m Going to the Tabloids .. 13
2. Th e Trike Maker and the Chariot of Fire ………………………. 21
3. Not My Dream ………………………………………………………….. 33
4. Soft Chains Are the Hardest to Break …………………………… 41
5. On the Road ……………………………………………………………… 51
6. Th e Usual Questions …………………………………………………… 61
7. Low Level Ecstasy ……………………………………………………… 69
8. Th e Most Enjoyable Christmas
in the History of Backpacking ………………………………………. 75
9. Th e Most Disappointing New Year’s Eve
in the History of Backpacking ………………………………………. 83
10. Domestic Bliss With Ron ……………………………………………. 93
11. Th e Place Whose Name I Dare Not Speak …………………… 103
12. Humanus Insanus Extremus …………………………………………. 113
13. Okay, Maybe I Could Ride to Albany …………………………. 121
PART TWO: FAT CHICKS DON’T HIKE ………………….. 131
14. Fat Chick vs. Christophe the Crucifi er:
Th e Battle Between Good and Evil – Episode I ……………. 133
15. Fat Chick vs. Little Chinese Lady:
Houston, We Have a Problem ……………………………………. 141
16. Change of Plan ………………………………………………………… 147
17. No Damn 2 Minute Noodles! …………………………………….. 159
18. If You Go Out in the Woods Today …………………………… 167
19. How to Become One of Bob Cooper’s Stories ………………. 173
20. Th e Power Point in the Bush ……………………………………… 183
21. Be Careful What You Wish For …………………………………. 191
22. Fat Chick’s Final Word on
Carrying a House on Your Back …………………………………. 199
PART THREE: FAT CHICKS DON’T PADDLE (YET) … 209
23. Fat Chick vs. Christophe the Crucifi er:
Th e Battle Between Good and Evil – Episode II …………… 211
24. Domestic Bliss with Iggy …………………………………………… 215
25. ‘You’ll Never Get Fifteen Kilos Onto a Pushbike, Love’ …… 223
26. Humpty Doo, Kakadu, and One Pissed-Off
Saltwater Crocodile …………………………………………………… 229
27. Th e Local Fauna ……………………………………………………….. 239
28. Th e Most Impressive Tan Line
in the History of Cycle Touring ………………………………….. 251
29. Old Farts Who Haven’t Read the Bloody Memo ………….. 259
30. Mary Lou and Mary Kate’s Excellent Adventure …………… 265
31. Not Most People ………………………………………………………. 275
32. Secret Men’s Business ……………………………………………….. 283
33. Never Attempt Full Body Wrestling While
Mercury’s in Retrograde …………………………………………….. 291
34. Th e Cows Are Loose! ………………………………………………… 303
35. Fat Chick vs. Christophe the Crucifi er:
Th e Battle Between Good and Evil – Episode III …………. 313
EPILOGUE: IN THE END, THERE WAS
STILL A FAT CHICK ………………………………………………. 317
Th e Winner of the Battle Between Good and Evil ………………. 320
JUST FOR THE RECORD …….
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